I reached for my back while the water ran warm. I noticed I was running out of soap, so I reached for more to the side of me. I closed my eyes and thought of Wendy, of her sweet voice and her gentle black hair. I used to think of these things as bliss, but lately when I think of Wendy, bliss faded to habit. I figured it was a relationship block. Kenny told me about this, it's supposed to be when the fire in a couple's relationship dims a bit. It's also supposed to be temporary, so I guess I have nothing to worry about. The water still felt nice on my body. Suddenly there was a loud crash. I just turn around and pull the shower curtains open, and I hear myself say "What the hell?"
I slip on the pants that I came in the bathroom with, since my clean clothes were in my room
where the noise was coming from. Then I head out to my sister's room where she keeps her instruments of torture (Shiely's closet), and take her specialized bat (the one she used to try to beat me with last year, fortunately I've become somewhat of an expert on dodging the she-witch). I headed swiftly for my room and kick the door open. I raised the bat over my head and was about to swing, until I saw the person who was on my bedroom floor screaming.
"Kyle?" I saw Kyle on the floor and the window open.
"Holy shit, dude!!!" Kyle screamed.
"Holy shit you, man. I thought you were some thief or rapist." I retorted.
I mean, what was up with Kyle, why the hell was he coming through the window? But I can bet about a thousand dollars it has to do with Cartman. "No, dude. What the hell are they gonna steal from your room, football jerseys?" he teased as he got up.
"Ha ha. Now what the fuck are you doing here, man?"
"Uh, not much, just hanging out." He laughed nervously.
"It has to do with Cartman, doesn't it? " I sighed "What did that fatass do to you now?"
"Why the hell anything happens, you assume it has to do with that fatass?"
I just look at him like really, when doesn't it have to do with Cartman?
"Fine, maybe he's involved in this." I sigh heavily while resting myself on my bed. "So what happened?" He looked around the room nervously, and I couldn't help to notice his cheeks blush a little. My eyes grew wide, "Jesus Christ, don't tell me you guys are
"What!? I was gonna tell you how that dumbass Clyde is after me cause of him."
Oh, I guess I was wrong. I wonder why I felt a huge relieve. I guess it's because it'd be weird to see Kyle and Fatass going out
especially since Cartman doesn't seem like the gay type... at all.
"Oh, then why is Clyde after you?" I sighed before speaking.
"You see, that fatass Cartman was calling me a Jew pussy, and saying things like I'm a gay wad and couldn't kiss a girl." I nodded, signifying him to continue.
"So I said if he said that stuff about me again, I'd kick his fatass. Then he said, 'Fine, if a pussy Jew like you kissed the next girl that passed by us, then I wouldn't call your mom a fat Jew bitch for the next week.' And I said fine."
I could already guess who the girl was, especially if Clyde was after him. "You kissed Bebe didn't you?" He began to blush more
"It wasn't my fault; she was the next girl that passed us!"
"You dumbass!! Bebe is Clyde's girl, who cares what that fatass said!"
"But it gets worse"
"Clyde was with Bebe when I kissed her, so he's double pissed! I'm lucky I escaped unscathed."
"So why did you come here?" He looked quickly out the window, "Cause I figured he'd show up at my house, and Cartman's house was out of the question."
"So why not Kenny's?"
"Are you kidding, Kenny couldn't beat up shit!"
Oh, I see what's going on, well I refuse, and that dumbass isn't going to put me in the middle of his shit!
"Oh no, your alone in this one."
"Come on, please, dude! I'll do anything!"
"No way, dude! I'm not fighting Clyde for you!" I stood firm at my feet!
"Come on dude!! You're in the football team, you're ripped! You can take him!"
I felt myself blush, "I-I'm not that ripped, you make me sound like Mr. Universe or something. Plus, why didn't you go to Craig, he's strong!"
"Craig's not gonna do shit, he'd flip me off like always." True, that is Craig's thing. "And you're not like Mr. Universe of course, but you're pretty ripped dude! So come on, just take him on, for me!!"
He looked at me with pleading eyes. Shit, I hate that look. I don't think I could ever resist it, but before I had a chance to give in, I heard Clyde's voice out of the window. "Hey Stan! You in there?" I looked at Kyle and he looked almost pale. "Jesus Christ, he's gonna murder me Stan." He grabbed on to my arm, "Come on, at least lie if he asks for me." Why could I feel myself blush, he just grabbed me. I'm sure acting weird today. I sigh and stick my head out the window.
"What you want Clyde?"
"Have you seen him?"
I sigh again, "I can't read your mind."
"You know who, your little boyfriend, that bastard Kyle!"
Boyfriend? What the fuck!?! I felt my whole face turn red. "Boyfriend? What the fuck!?!"
"Jeesh, I'm just joking. But do you know where he is?"
"No dude, get the fuck out of my lawn!"
Why am I getting all worked up about something so stupid? I'm so weird today. "Fine, but if you see him, tell me."
"No way, dude. Find him yourself!"
"Alright, but at least give him this message, tell him that he's a fucking goner and I'm gonna beat the crap out of him, and he knows it!" Wow, he's pretty pissed off. Poor Kyle.
"Fine, just leave me alone."
After he left, I turned to Kyle who looked like he just saw a ghost and said, "He says you're a fucking goner and he's gonna beat the crap out of you, and you know it."
"Shut up!! I heard him, you don't have to repeat him, smartass!" He looked like a little kid having a tantrum. I chuckled and walked to my closet. I grabbed my black Slipknot band shirt, from my good old Goth days. I still hang out with them sometimes; they lend me some of their music and give me discounts at stores and stuff, so they're pretty cool. Then I grab my signature hat and slip it on the top of my head. "What your gonna go all Goth again and put on eyeliner." He chuckled. "Shut the fuck up, this bands pretty sick, and I don't even own eyeliner
anymore." He cracked up laughing. "Anymore, dude that's hilarious." Now he's annoying me, "Do you want me to help you or not?" He immediately stopped laughing. "That's a good little boy." I say as I pet Kyle on the head like he was a dog. He pushes my hand away. "Stop it."
I sigh once more, "Come on, let's go." He looks at me confused, "Huh?"
"You heard me, let's go visit Butters."
"Butters, why are we gonna visit that little turd?"
"Cause, I said so." Now he looked really confused. I just put on my coat and grab his wrist.
"Come on, do you want Clyde off your shoulders or not?" He just reluctantly follows me.
We arrive at Butter's house, and I ring the doorbell. I hear footsteps and the door unlocking. He comes out with a smile and says, "H-Hey Stan, what brings you here?" I just smile casually and answer, "Hey Butters, can we come in?" He looks at Kyle for a while. "Uh, s-sure. I see you brought Kyle with you. We're gonna have loads of fun."
I look around the living room, "Hey Butters, where are your parents?"
"They left for a cruise."
And I hear Kyle say, "Why didn't they take you?"
"They grounded me because I left the toilet seat up again and Mom fell in, I-I gotta stop doing that."
Then I said, "They left you just cause of that?"
"Yeah, Mom hates it when I leave the seat up, and she's right, I misbehave too much."
"Whatever, Butters. I came because I need your help." He looked excited and eager to help. Good, that means he'll be willing to do anything.
"What is it Stan, I'll do whatever you ask!"
I smile, "Good, I want you to switch clothes with Kyle."
Now I hear both of them shout "What!?" simultaneously.
"You heard me. You see, Kyle's in deep shit."
"Oh hamburgers, does it have to do with Cartman?"
"Damn it!! Why does everybody assume it has to do with Cartman?"
I ignore Kyle and answer Butters, "Yeah actually, but Clyde's involved too."
After telling him the short version of the story, he says, "Well, what does me switching clothes with Kyle have to do with anything?" Then I smile devilishly, "You have to pretend to be Kyle in front of Clyde for us."
"W-what!? But won't that get me beaten up?"
Then Kyle says, "And plus, won't it be obvious it would be Butters, not me?"
"That's the point, and don't worry Butters, I won't let Clyde beat you."
Kyle looks at me like I'm a weirdo, and Butters just looks at me for a while and blushes and says, "W-well okay Stan, whatever you want." Wonder why he blushed, maybe because he has to switch clothes with Kyle
maybe he likes Kyle! Well, he is openly gay, it's possible. Somehow, I don't agree with that scenario either. After they switch clothes, Kyle glares at me. "What?" I say. "What do you mean 'What?' anyone who isn't blind could see that I have curly red hair." I look at his hair which is plainly reveled. "Oh that,"
I think for a moment and then turns to Butters, "Hey Butters."
"Yes Stan?" "Does your mom still have that blonde wig from Halloween?" He looks at me for a moment, then he says "Huh, what. Oh the wig, umm, yeah it's in her closet. Why?"
"Can we borrow it?"
"B-but it's a long wig, she used it to dress up as Paris Hilton."
"Then we cut it." Then he looks at me as if the world is about to end if we do.
"What!? My mom'll kill me if we do that!"
"Come on, Butters, I'll make it up to you somehow." I see him blush a little.
I hope he's not gonna ask me to hook him up with Kyle or something. "Ok, if that's what you want, Stan."
We climb the stairs to his parent's room. "It's in the closet, right?" I ask. "Yes." I opened the closet, and saw the wig. I grabbed it and cleaned the dust out of the top of the wig. "Oh, hamburgers, I'm really gonna get it now." I hear Butters say. "Sheesh Butters, it's just a wig. You got any scissors?" He moves nervously around for a while and then finally says, "I think I got them downstairs." I just smile satisfied, "Good, hey where's Kyle?" He turns around as if he's looking for something, "He said something about going to the bathroom." Then I just say, "Oh, ok."
As I'm about the leave the room, I feel something grab my sleeve. "Butters?" I turned to look at him. He's looking down at the ground and blushing, a lot. I wonder what he wants. "S-stan. You said something about making it up to me if I go through with this." I recall my promise, "Huh, Oh yeah, what do you want?" Shit, he's gonna ask me hook him up with Kyle, I just know it. "I need to tell you something later, so after all this, could you meet me at the back of the school during lunch tomorrow?" shit, I knew it, he wants me to help him with Kyle. He's been blushing quite a lot today; in fact he always blushes when Kyle and I see him. I don't know if Kyle will go with it, he's had a crush on Rebeca for a long time now. "Sure Butters, I'll be there." He smiles. I can't find any words to describe it, but his smiles just feel weird. No, weird is not the right word either. Oh well, like I give a damn.
After I cut the wig to make it look like Butter's haircut (which I don't mean to brag, but it looks pretty close to the real thing), I give it to Kyle to put it on.
"We're missing something." I say.
"What?" Kyle asks.
His head spikes up as soon as I call him. "Yes, Stan?"
"Give me one of you hair accessories." He runs up to his room and brings down a black, glittery headband.
"Here you go, Stan." I take it from him and place it on top of Kyle's head. Kyle glares at me.
"What now, asshole!" It pisses me off how much of a kill joy he can be sometimes.
"I look ridiculous."
"That's not very nice." Butters mumbles in the back of me.
"Sorry Butters, I meant it's just not me."
"Exactly!" I say loudly. "That's the point; you're supposed to look like Butters."
Kyle just glares at me again. "God Damn it, what now Kyle?"
"Why couldn't I dress up as you? Why Butters?" shit, I can't just say, 'because Butters is the bait'. Especially not in front of Butters. "Because, I'm look out."
He just scoffs and says "Come on, lets just go."
I feel Butters hang on to my sleeve again. "Umm, Stan? Are you sure I'm not gonna get beaten up?" Shit, now I definitely have to make sure he's not gonna get beaten up. "Yeah, Butters, you're gonna be fine." He just smiles and says, "Ok, I trust you Stan." I just stare for a moment, and turn around and say "Come on, lets go." What was that just now, that smile had that weird feeling again, and to top it off, it felt like I couldn't resist it? Just like Kyle's pleading face. Butters sure has become a nuisance lately, I mean everything about him is annoying. It's strange.